Monday, May. 12, 2003, 10:38 PM

Missing persons ad

Fiery wrote to me last week. This is what she had to say:

Missing persons ad .....

Have you seen this man? He is 31. About 5'9". Somewhere around 160ish pounds, wears cute little wire rimmed glasses, has a cat that goes by the name of Ophelia and a girlfriend called N-? He has a fondness for adverbs, writes remarkable pieces of fiction, has a very smooth tongue, [So I've heard ;p] attends many geek gatherings and has a diary that he rarely updates.

It would appear this man has practically dropped off the face of the earth.

There are some concerns for his safety, fears that he has in fact been bitten or shot and contracted a highly contagious and debilitating disease.

This *disease* has been known to cause loss of sleep, heart palpitations, a sudden surge of libido, stars in the eyes, a pathetic lopsided grin and severe bouts of daydreaming. If left unchecked the victim of this highly contagious bug, can find themselves walking in front of buses, leaving their brains in the jar by the bed and putting their retainer in their skull before work, walking the pot plant and watering the cat.

Now whilst these symptoms and outcomes are of by no means dangerous to the individual(s) afflicted (aside from being hit by a bus), in fact they are somewhat pleasing and satisfying (aside from being hit by a bus), and highly contagious infecting the entire population with what can only be described as a feeling of "genuine happiness for the afflicted'", it leaves many of us wondering....

Have you been hit by a bus?

I have not been hit by a bus. Thank you for your concern.