Monday, Jan. 13, 2003, 1:50 AM

Let me get this off my chess

If life is a game then you're the pawn. I'd be the king but I like more freedom of movement. I guess women really do rule the world because everyone is always trying to get the queen. You're problem is that you still believe in the white knight. But you live in a castle and everyone knows that the knight has to leave before you can build one. You try to be religious but your bishop is always sidestepping from the truth. And you feel powerless because someone's always got you in check. You've got to learn to lighten up, after all, it's only a game.