Thursday, Dec. 12, 2002, 12:15 AM

Personals ad

Writing at a restaurant tonight. Worked 12 hours yesterday. Slept through alarm this morning. Worked 14 hours today. Thoughts are disjointed. Back aches. Right eyelid keeps twitching. Very annoying. Eyes are having a hard time focusing. But I still am having hard time sleeping. Methinks it has to do with my divorce, and all of the stress of having to negotiate in order to keep half of the things that are mine. Half of the money I have saved. She's taking half of almost everything, most of my heart, and none of my debt. And the things that she has done and said, I think that I am suffering from irony poisoning. Okay, let's settle down and see if we can't craft an entry of some substance other than bitching. After all, I have to make up for not posting last night, don't I?

I'm very tired and the ideas are just not flowing easily tonight. Let's see, what can we talk about? Should we discuss the short memory span of goldfish? Should we talk about meeting people with the same name as you? Perhaps we should write an erotic entry together. Perhaps we should discuss Tao of Ching. Perhaps I should craft an ad to post on an on-line dating service instead. Yeah, that one sounds like a winner. Let's see:

I'm an Aquarius. They say that people born under this watery sign are prone to the arts and the intellect. That they tend to be very empathetic and caring with strong bonds to family and friends, but at the same time frivolous, spontaneous to a fault, and obsessive. I suppose I have to agree on all counts.

I'm not happy unless I am learning everyday. I enjoy a wide variety of interests and pursuits. Although I am adventurous and at times spontaneous, I have come to appreciate the stability of a routine, but still enjoy the thrill of breaking free even if only for a weekend. Favorite activities include driving aimlessly looking for adventure, camping, reading, strolling through museums, rolling down hills and climbing trees in parks, watching an insightful movie or watching tremendous explosions on the big screen, listening to music, writing, canoeing, doing anything related to the beach, drinking tea and watching people, and learning new tricks.

I tend to not be drawn to drama. My friends and colleagues would describe me as having a very black and white view of the world. I say what I mean and feel, while holding enough tact in reserve to keep from dashing the feelings of others to bits on the rocks of truth. I am doggedly loyal to friends, family, and lovers. I unwittingly trust most people and have often been surprised by the unexpected depths of goodness, and often hurt by the inexplicable malice and shallow behavior of others. I have learned to find happiness in the most unlikely of places and value laughter more than money. My anger quickly loses focus and lacks depth. I find forgiveness and absolution to be much better friends.

I'm looking for a friend, a lover, a mentor, a companion, and a pioneer in life, love, laughter, music, all things artistic, road trips, and happiness. I'm looking for someone to comfort me when I'm down, kick my ass when I'm unmotivated, laugh at me when I'm stupid, laugh with me when I'm happy, leave me alone if I'm sour, and most of all, someone to teach me new things and learn by my side. Wearing glasses and having a great smile is a bonus. I'm searching for someone with a strong work ethic, high personal moral values, and a strong sense of self kept in check with humility and a great sense of humor. A woman with the heart of a girl. A woman who will dress for events but still not be afraid to pee in the woods. A person with dreams, motivation, and a strong sense of self. A lightning fast wit, a peppering of sarcasm, an intellect as sharp as aged cheddar, and a smile that lights the darkest of moods. An eclectic taste and open mind regarding music, art, nature, and love is appreciated.

The material things:

She should not smoke, drink not at all or in moderation, have an athletic, slim, or petite physique. She should be interested in having a family, should be close to her own family, and preferably not be an only child. Height is not an issue as I have dated people less than five foot and over six. Age is not critical, but common ground tends to dissipate rapidly beyond a ten year difference. An expected number of teeth and appendages is preferred.


Well, that about does it. I realize that I am asking and expecting a great deal with this, but you should always aim high. Applications are NO LONGER being accepted. Thanks for reading.