Monday, Nov. 25, 2002, 9:39 AM

Amish desire

The day is Monday, though this has absolutely no bearing on the day's events. Our hero is sitting in his recliner where he attempts to spin a tale. And I have it from reliable sources that he did actually accomplish that task, but again, this has no bearing on the subject at hand.

That's because the subject at hand is a love story between a young Puerto Rican named Cesar, and his affliction with affection for an Amish child named Malachite living in the Mennonite slums of the Lancaster community. The two boys could never make their love affair known, and that was due partly to the fact that Cesar liked wearing hot pink and yellow dress shirts spread wide over a white T-shirt that let the top of his chest hair squeeze out and lick at the base of his neck. Cesar knew, unlike most women, that there is no changing a man, and that his family would never condone anything but a black wardrobe. It broke Young Cesar's heart. It's, sad, touching, and let's us know that love knows no bounds. And for that reason love is stupid.